Friday, November 14, 2014

How can you be tired and angry all at the same time?

Does being tired of the B.S. swirling around you make you angry? Or, do you get angry first, then get tired of being angry? Either way, I’m learning that what comes first really doesn’t matter much. If the correct mix of people, places, and things exist in your life, this combination of emotional and physical feeling have the ability to create some very powerful thoughts. If these thoughts are personally positive, they can make your life much simpler and easier to deal with. The polar opposite is letting these thoughts get to you in a negative manner that can ruin an otherwise pleasant day.
To keep this all on the positive side of the coin, there are choices you can make that will give you the best chance for success in achieving a good outcome. The power of the word “NO” is something that I have found almost impossible to grasp until now. It’s such a simple little word, but its correct usage in everyday life might make the difference in whether you succumb to life’s constant attacks, or allow yourself to rise above the day-to-day trivialities that can drive you into the gutter.
The human element in interpersonal relations and perceptions play a huge role in how you ultimately feel about your surroundings; including the people around you. I guess some of us, myself included, have a personality set that somehow signals a character flaw that others feel they can take advantage of, or exploit, in some way beneficial to their own agenda. The outward projection of a quiet, introspective personality has led to family, friends, and casual acquaintances attempting to control, and/or manipulate, me for their own, mostly questionable and selfish, purposes.
The work I have done on my own feelings, emotions, and thought patterns over the past four and a half years has led me more to the positive side of that coin. It’s not always an easy task to stay on the positive side, and, occasionally, the negative side sneaks up and bites you in the butt. I have learned not to run from these negative situations, as I would be doing in the past. I now possess the tools to express my anger in such a way that is beneficial to my own wellbeing. Even if I find myself quickly sinking into the doldrums of anger and self-pity, I no longer feel the need to wallow in the mire for weeks and months on end. I have drastically shortened the time in which I blame myself, and get bogged down in self-doubt and self-recrimination. I can now realize that, just maybe, it’s not me. I can now realize that other people, places, and things can either share the blame, or fully accept the blame. I can now accept that maybe, just maybe, I don’t need these negative forces working against me. To this end, it is very comforting to know how to take command of that little word “NO”. There is a full list of other expletives that convey the sentiment of “NO”, and it is nice to have a command of those words when the situation calls for something a little stronger.

But, some things will probably never change. The biggest, most threatening thing that will probably ever change is the learned fear I have of losing control in a fit of rage and anger. I have seen what that looks like, and it simply is not a pretty picture from any perspective. My learning curve will be a long one that, hopefully, will lead to my ability to portray a more confident, outgoing public persona. Unfortunately, the people closest to you are the ones who will be the last to recognize the change, and the first to continue abusing your perceived character flaws.
A short word of caution: Do not keep pushing your own agenda on me. You might not like the outcome. Have a nice day!