Saturday, February 12, 2011

Snow Removal and Political Ideology


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Member Since: 8/2009  Last Seen: 2/02/2011

It dawned on me today that you can see how the country operates as a whole through the different ideologies just by looking at how cleaning of driveways takes place in your local neighborhood.
One night a heavy snowfall blankets the neighborhood. That morning the Libertarian gets up early and heads out to the garage. Starts up his snowblower and quickly sets about clearing his driveway. He knows that the fresh fallen snow is still rather light and powdery and is easily removed from the top of the asphalt, leaving just a fine dust of snow that will melt away quickly in the slowly rising sun. In about a half hour of personal work, he finishes his driveway. He knew that where he lived he could expect a good 5 or 6 good snowfalls every winter and spending $400 for a snowblower upfront would pay for itself quickly with just a buck worth of gas to clear each snowfall. As he is finishing up and ready to head inside, he waves to his Republican neighbor who is pulling his car out of the garage and heading off to his business. The Republican doesn't worry about clearing his own driveway. He pays a private company $50 bucks to come out whenever the snow falls to do it for him. About 9am that private company shows up and plows the Republican's driveway quickly in about 15 mins, leaving it sparkling clean. About 10am, the Progressive comes out his door, complains about the snowfall and wonders if any of his students will even bother showing up for class today at the local college. Still, he gets in his car and drives off.
As the sun shines down, the two driveways that were plowed early have completely melted off and dried by noon when the Liberal finally drags himself from bed. He quickly dresses, complains about the snowfall and the hangover from his late night of partying and then leaves for his part-time job at the local fast food joint. At around 3pm, the local snowplowers union shows up to plow the Progressives driveway. Two men in a single truck takes them 30 minutes and 2 coffee breaks to clear his driveway. They do a decent job considering the snow has already began to change to ice and only charge $120 for the job, for which the highly paid Progressive professor doesn't mind paying from his public salary. After all, he can always ask for a raise and the college can just increase tuition to pay for it.
After spending his 5 hours at work complaining to anyone that would listen about having to shovel his driveway when he gets home and how unfair it is that the 'rich' guy across the street doesn't have to lift a finger to clear his driveway, the Liberal gets home at 6pm. Having set all day sublimating, the snow now has a nice icy layer underneath that is practically impossible to remove. He grabs his $5 plastic shovel that he bought because he didn't want to waste his meager amount of money on something bigger when there is beer and weed that is much higher on his priority list. Of course, the shovel won't even budge that layer of ice and the little bit of snow that it does take off just makes that ice even more slippery. Frustrated, he finally gives up and goes inside. Also wanting to use a union company, he calls the local union company to get a price. $120! He can't afford that and just decides that the driveway will melt away on its own eventually. At 7pm, the Republican and Progressive come home from a long day at work.
The Progressive sees that Liberal didn't plow his driveway and feels the need to look out for him and comes up with a plan to help the Liberal and himself in the process. The next day the Progressive contacts the Homeowners Association and discusses with the bureaucrat in charge that to make the neighborhood more attractive everyone should have plowed driveways when the snow falls and that the high cost of snow removal is preventing some from doing so. So they come up with a plan. The Homeowners Association will set up a contract with the local union company to do the snow removal for EVERYONE. Isn't that great?! Since they are doing a bunch of driveways all at the same location, they might even discount the price to just $100 per driveway, and the fees can be collected by the Association. So they set it all up and announce to the residents of the new plan. The Republican and Libertarian protest, but the Liberal and Progressive side with the HOA bureaucrat to make it happen anyway. Now when the snow falls, the union comes eventually about 3pm to plow everyones driveway for a cost of $400 for all four driveways. The Progressive is happy, as his cost is $20 cheaper. The Republican is upset as his cost has doubled. The Libertarian is extremely PO'd because he went from $1 in cost to $100 dollars, plus the money he had already spent on the snowblower. The Liberal, who can't afford even the $100 for the driveway now complains AFTER the contract has already been voted in, that the cost is just too much and that the fees to the HOA for the snow removal should be based on the home values. So the HOA can't alter the contract deal with the unions, so just decides to change how the fees are collected from the neighborhood residents. The Liberal, who has the smallest house, will only pay $30. The Libertarian, who has the next smallest house, will pay $70. The Progressive will pay $100, and the Republican will pay $200. That seems fair now doesn't it. The Liberal is still PO'd because he still has to pay $30 and blames the Republican for being in bed with big business for it. The Libertarian is PO'd because while his cost might be lower than it was, its still seventy times more than if he just was allowed to do it himself. The Republican is PO'd because his cost is now four times what it was. The Progressive is also now PO'd, even though he still is saving himself $20 bucks, all of his neighbors are getting upset with him and give him dirty looks whenever he goes by. Two months later, the Liberal moves out as he can no longer afford to live there. He lost his job because he spent so much time complaining about not earning a living wage, that he kept screwing up orders at the drive-thru. So now, the HOA must increase the costs on the remaining three to honor the contract.
Tell me that this isn't exactly why the country is so messed up and everyone is upset all the time?

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